Between a Rock and a Hard Place: beginning eating disorder recovery or simply existing in a body in diet-culture.
Recently I’ve talked to a couple of people about the feeling of being stuck between a rock and a hard place that can come during the beginning stages of eating disorder recovery. Once we’re aware of the toxic eating disorder voice and we start to know a bit about eating disorder recovery, we can suddenly find ourselves torn between two different viewpoints and pulled to act in two different directions, which can lead to a sense of being stuck.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place.
The rock: eating disorder.
Eating disorders (as well as disordered eating, exercise addiction, body dysmorphia and more) develop for many different reasons, and often for a combination of reasons. The commonality beneath all of these factors is the eating disorder trying to get our basic needs met. The eating disorder’s strategies for “helping” us are often learned from diet culture or other external sources. We are not born with the eating disorder voice in our heads. Yet, we can end up having an internal dialogue that ties food, movement, and body size to worth, power, control, belonging, lovability, and other basic needs. The eating disorder voice can be very powerful and persuasive. It can also be very mean, especially when we don’t do what it wants us to do.
The hard place: recovery.
When we choose to start recovery and move away from the eating disorder, we introduce (or return to!) a whole new set of concepts that challenge the eating disorder. We decide to NOT do what the eating disorder wants us to do. We start to find other, more sustainable, ways to meet our needs and care for ourselves. Recovery holds the potential for leaving that mean ED voice behind for good (which IS possible, by the way!).
When we’re following the recovery pathway, we can feel like we are failing the eating disorder. The rock. Ouch.
When we’re following the eating disorder, we can feel like we are failing at recovery. The hard place. Ouch again.
Either way we turn we fail the other. And those of us prone to developing eating disorders are often already very sensitive to failure. More ouch. The stuckness between two perceived failures can feel suffocating.
This stuck place is not only experienced by those with a diagnosable eating disorder; simply having a body and existing in diet culture can lead to the same type of struggle between our own inner voice and the clamor of diet culture messages.
So, what do we do?!
I can almost hear you shouting, “Zoe, how do I get out of here?!”
We’ll get there. What I want you to know is this:
You can get out.
I know, because I did it. I’ve also witnessed many others get out of the stuckness too.
For now, let’s pause for a moment to see what we can learn from being in this place. I’m a super experiential person so if you’re up for some goofy embodied learning try out this exercise with me!
Find a “stuck spot” by wedging yourself between two solid objects. Get creative! (Note: please make sure you can physically get out or have someone nearby who can help you get out.)
Notice what this feels like. What sensations, emotions, and thoughts arise? (If it’s too overwhelming, get out! This is just an exercise.)
Reflect. While in the “stuck spot” take some time to chat with each side - the rock and the hard place. Identify what each side represents for you, then imagine they could each tell you why they are in your life and what they really want for you. Ask them anything you want: listen for their answers.
Ask yourself, “What’s keeping me here? What do I need in order to get out?”
Get out! Shake it off. Breathe. Notice what this feels like. What sensations, emotions, and thoughts are you experiencing now?
Bonus: Take a photo of you in your “stuck spot” and send it to me. If you want, tell me about your experience.
If you want, check out some fun photos of me in “stuck spots” I tried out while playing with this idea!
That was fun; I’m laughing! Recovery can be fun. Yes, it’s serious and hard and stuck-feeling sometimes. It’s also goofy and ridiculous and a lot of FUN!
Four things to remember until next time: I care about you; having a body is beautiful; recovery is possible; and we choose what matters in this one wildly precious life!
P.S. I will return to the question of how we get out, I didn’t forget.
Let’s learn to dance through the stuck spots like this little guy!
