Becoming bug soup: learning from butterflies
As spring is springing here in the northern hemisphere, I’ve got some exciting news and some thoughts about bug soup and supporting transformation.
My own transformation
I’m thrilled to share that this summer I’ll be welcoming a new little bean/being into our family. Since this is my first baby, I’m deep in the process of becoming a mother, somewhere in the mushy between-ness of who I was and who I will become. The process of change is familiar (I’ve gone through many transitions) and yet also different from anything I’ve experienced before. Rather than actively working toward change, I find myself slowing and softening into the current that is naturally moving me toward motherhood. It is beautifully out of my control while being entirely contained within my being. A wild ride! I’m finding comfort and familiarity in one of my favorite metaphors of transformation: the becoming of a butterfly. I most relate to that place between caterpillar and butterfly, the bug soup.
I am bug soup.
We all are at some point.
Perhaps you are too.
A recent photo from my trip to see the monarchs in Mexico!
Bug soup: Becoming
After a caterpillar makes a chrysalis, its body disintegrates into what I like to call bug soup: a mixture of cells that eventually rearrange themselves into the body of a butterfly. There are some groups of cells in that magical mix called imaginal discs, which hold the information necessary to direct the building of the entire butterfly. How cool! A few cells hold the knowing of how to become something entirely different, not at all what it was before. The bug soup phase is entirely necessary for the process of becoming.
Us humans are not so different from butterflies. Before we can rebuild into something new, we often first need to disintegrate into soupiness - let go of what was, find the imagination for what wants to happen next, and trust the process. Whether it's a life transition, new role, or a change in behavior, the process can be similar to the journey of caterpillar -> bug soup -> butterfly. I find it comforting to know that no matter how messy that soupy phase may feel, it is a natural part of the process.
Many of my clients find me in the bug soup phase or as they prepare their cocoon to enter that becoming. As I navigate a new becoming of myself and work with people going through these different stages of change, I’ve been thinking a lot about ways to support ourselves in this process, especially because the bug soup phase can be so disconcerting and disorienting!
Things to consider while in the bug soup:
Grief
We almost always feel some sort of loss and grief as we let go of the caterpillar we were or the phase/actions/experiences/etc that we had before we stepped into (or were tossed into) the stew of transformation.
Trusting the process
As we become, we are asked to trust that it is happening, even when we can’t yet see the changes. Can you imagine what would happen if the soupy caterpillar/butterfly gave up half way through? I suppose it would stay in soup-form forever. We’ve got to let the current of change carry us.
Finding our imaginal discs
Because the disintegration and messiness of the bug soup phase can be disconcerting and awkward and scary, finding and holding onto what we truly know and what feels sturdy within ourselves is essential. This is about finding the through-line of who we are, or in other words, identifying our own imaginal discs! Even as aspects of who you are melt and reform, which qualities and values cluster together to continue to tell you who you are at your core? What aspects of yourself are unchanging? Afterall, some caterpillars turn into moths while others become monarchs or swallowtail butterflies. Our essence is present in all our forms. We can hold onto our imaginal discs while in the soupiest of bug soup transformations.
Imagination
As the name suggests, the imaginal discs require imagination. When we’re still the caterpillar, building our cocoon, or in the soup, the butterfly may seem very far away. We’ve never been that kind of butterfly before, so we don’t know what it’s like. Therefore, we must use our brave and bold imagination to propel our essence into our new form, holding onto the blueprint of our own imaginal discs to move toward what they know we are becoming.
Know what is solid
While change is happening in one area of life, we can ask ourselves “Where are things feeling rooted and sturdy?” As my body and family role are transforming, I have been reaching for connections, parts of myself, interests, nature cycles, and more that are steady in my life right now. If you are in transformation, what feels grounded and sturdy to you as you change?
Support
There is a reason a caterpillar creates a chrysalis, to provide support and containment for the process to happen. What does support look like for you? Maybe it’s therapy or community, family or friends, taking more naps or more dance classes, doing less or receiving more. Whatever it is, you deserve and need support for your becoming!
Whether you ask yourself before you enter the soup or once you are already swimming in it, there is always room to wonder
“What would really truly radically support my transformation?”
As I’m in the bug soup of becoming a mother, I’ve been asking myself the above question a lot and finding that the answer changes daily. I’d love to hear about what you are finding or have found in your own processes of transformation and becoming. Let me know! I truly love hearing from you.
